Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
