I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize