i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You're like the curious george of whores
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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