I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
