mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
