My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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