just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
