YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
