Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
