I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We left the knife in your bed.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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