how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize