why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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