wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
