I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
