can u get pink eye on your cock?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
