She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize