Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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