drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Randomize
