The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
