my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
