Slut skills are useful in every country.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She bit a glass in half.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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