i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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