im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i came on her dog
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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