I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
