Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize