That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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