It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
