This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
