You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just pee around me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
