Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
