there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
