My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
