you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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