i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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