Cold hands, warm shart.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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