how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
