I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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