youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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