Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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