Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
