Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
