and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
