Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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