Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
