The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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