Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
