Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
