Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
