You can't motorboat a personality
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We had sex on a dog bed..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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