Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
