Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
