We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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