I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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