i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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