Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
