He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
