wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
