you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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