guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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