sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
