There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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