She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
