Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
