so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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