its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
