Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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