I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
