One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
