This girl is more easily done than said...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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