I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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