i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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