I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My room smells like vodka and shame
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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