these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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