My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
