just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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