apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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