she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He? As in you personified your dick?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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