You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
