So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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