i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
