Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
