Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
