I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
