I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
