Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
