His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
