i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
