and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
don't judge my taste in strippers
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize