i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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