Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
