I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Come on in and take your pants off
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