it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
