i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
