You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dick very happy bro
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
