I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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