Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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