so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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