when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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