i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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