How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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