Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
