Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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