what if every blade of grass was a penis?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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